Does too much smothering spoils the broth?

I genuinely believe that almost all parents want what is best for their children. Every parent may do this in one or the other way but they still want the best for their children. Mammals are designed in this particular way, which makes them protective towards their new born. They teach them to eat, hunt and live their lives. But the foremost quality of a mammal is that they make their kids independent so they know how to handle themselves in the big bad world not make them cowards that they start repenting the very existence of their life. Take lions for example it takes 2 to 3 years for their mother to train them and then lets them go to be on their own accord. But any lioness would just lash at anything that would try to harm her cubs.

I think the most protective mammal has to be the human. They don’t really understand when to let go even if the kids are old enough. While I was writing this, I did some research and found out about the right word for such sort of parenting.

“Helicopter parenting”

I truly feel that I have an amazing mother who has literally dedicated her entire life for me and my siblings. But she married when she was 18 years old. The time when you go out and explore the world, she was hitched. So by the age she was 20 she had her first born, me. I can’t even imagine being 20 and raising a kid. Since she was so young, I think her world sort of revolved around me, as I was her only child for 6 years.  I love the fact that my mother was so invested in me and wanted me to be the perfect person in every possible way. There are not many mothers or fathers that pay so much attention and time in the upbringing of their children. I truly appreciate it, even more so when I grew up and found how many of my friend’s parents are least interested in them.

But I believe too much of anything, can destroy you.  We all love eating don’t we? But over eating, might cause problems for our bodies. Similarly over loving a child can cause a lot of problems for the child too. Now that I am old enough and understand I am going to share a little story about myself so all the parents or parents to be can understand better how to raise their kids.

Every human being is different from one another and there are different things that trigger each one of us. For the longest period of time I struggled with myself and I just couldn’t understand what was so wrong with me. Why didn’t I feel comfortable with people around me, especially new people? I started doubting myself. I was on low self-esteem with no confidence. I often pondered as to why I was like that. I wasn’t good at expressing myself because I thought if I do, people might think badly of me. I was very self-conscious around people. Yes I had friends but I was never really close to anyone because I always thought everyone is judging me for the worst.

This was not my real personality because I have heard stories of my childhood and they were all about how loving, carefree and social I was with everyone, especially the new people. Over time my mother kept inducing into my mind how the world is a bad place and everyone in it is bad and judging you continuously, so I needed to act in a certain way otherwise I’ll be damned for life. I have spent about 10 years of my life believing that to be true. I made a bubble around me and stayed in it so the big bad world couldn’t get to me. That’s what you call an introvert. I was very unhappy obviously because I wanted to be carefree and socialize with new people and have fun but I was too scared as to might just happen. Only three things mattered to my mother, behaving nicely, grades and staying home in my bubble because she genuinely thought it was the safest place to be. The pressure was immense and there is no surprise I tried to kill myself over getting a D in one of the subjects. It was right after I started university that I realized what had just happened to me and I took a year to transform myself completely because I was finally out of my mother’s reach.

If anyone meets me today they can’t tell if I’m the same person, today I’m confident, out spoken and social. I popped that bubble and I can finally breathe freely, no longer thinking the world is out to get me instead I take it as my ouster and I can do whatever I want to. I had to work very hard to be the way I’m today.

Parents need to understand that telling your kid how to behave is good but you should provide your children with a choice, the good and the bad. Show them what good would do and what bad would do but the ultimate choice should be theirs so they know how to trust their instincts and face the world head on. You can’t force your child into being something he or she isn’t and you should be proud of them for making even those wrong decisions because that’s how they learn.


What does it mean to be a strong, independent woman in a world of weak men

Being a strong woman means you strive hard everyday to learn, educate yourself, learn and foremost make yourself so strong that no one can knock you down. This doesn’t happen overnight, it takes a lot of courage and confidence.

In my opinion, a weak man is someone who can’t control his emotions or is unable to show emotions of affection and  endearment. These are the two type of weak men that make it impossible for women to be independent and strong. A typical weak man is jealous of the many talents of the woman, they are associated with. He will always look down on the women who work and is threatened by the fact that a woman can be more successful than him. You can find this type of man every where, at your workplace, in your family, even as friends. They may criticize the woman as having a bad character. A person that works from 9 to 5 has to be selfish one.

How dare she work while she could have been cooking and looking after the house.

There is no shame in staying at home and looking after it but there is also no shame in leaving the house and following one’s ambitions. It’s a century dominated by woman. They are becoming more and more successful at what they do. They are tapping their potential and exalting in new metiers. Samina baig is the first Pakistani woman to climb the Mount Everest. Being able to do what you love in a Country like Pakistan is still a big deal as the Pakistani culture is driven by criticism and disdain for woman with ambition and a purpose in life, as men love to dictate how  a woman should behave.

I come from a family where not just men of the family are well-educated but the females are well educated too. My father has always encouraged my mother to get education even after they were married and he never made any discrimination between me and my brother ( I think I’m more loved). But when I decided I wanted to become a lawyer, the entire family turned against me. I know where they were coming from because they only saw how lawyers were corrupted and how they had  life threatening dangers up their sleeves. And for any parent, a child’s safety holds the foremost importance. I got to hear that since I’m a female , I wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure this career needs, I wouldn’t be able to cope up with the world, if I choose this profession it would mess up my chances of having a family life, ‘its not a profession for girls’, ‘you are going to put your family in danger’, ‘do you want all of us to die?’

These are just some of the things I heard. Well I ignored everyone and went ahead with what I wanted to pursue. It was easy for me to get my way but it’s not always easy for the rest of the women in the country.

While the society or the men may think how it’s not the woman’s job to work, females all around the world are making remarkable breakthroughs.  Women like  Tawakkul Karman for being the first Arab woman and the second Muslim woman to win a Nobel Prize and the second youngest Nobel Peace Laureate, Ibtihaj Muhammad  for being the first female Muslim American fencer in the world, Carolyn Walker for becoming the first Muslim female judge to swear upon the Quran rather than the Bible whilst wearing a hijab, Imaan Aldebe for breaks through the Western frame of the fashion industry across the UK and France with her stylish and artistic fashion line of designer turban hijab inspire, Nicola Adams for being the first female boxing Olympic champion, Emma Silkowicz, a Colombian performance artist and sexual assault survivor turned activist, inspired the nation with her piece Carry That Weight, are just some of the many woman who inspire not just me but Muslim woman all around the world.

I believe that this mentality is not just restricted to a Muslim society but men in general whether they be Americans, Europeans or Indians. This type of men exists in very country no matter how advanced they may be.

It’s not a culture, it’s a mindset !

We need to put an end to this and the only way we can do it, is by defying all odds, doing what we love and not listening to the people who work hard to bring us down!




Perks of traveling alone


I was working and studying 22 hours a day, I barely got time to relax or even breathe properly. I needed a vacation. So I asked my friends, my cousins if they would want to go on a vacation. Everyone was busy with their lives.

I have never traveled alone. But I made a rational decision and decided to go on a vacation on my own. That was the best decision ever.

The first obstacle was to convince my parents that I was going with a friend, because they would never be happy if i was traveling alone. So I told them I was going with my bestfriend.
Since I’m from Pakistan, traveling alone anywhere is a big deal.
So I got on that plane to Dubai, United Arab Emirates, embarking on a journey no one really knew the truth about.

So I got an apartment on the 31st floor on sheikh zayd road just opposite to the financial centre. The view was breath taking. You could see the coastline clearly from up there.


The best thing about traveling alone is you can explore the place however you want to. The best part about being in Dubai is that you meet all sorts of people from all around the world, especially at the time of new years when the streets are crowded with foreigners from all over the world. You can not find such a variety of culture in any other country or city.

When your alone you can easily travel like a local, so that meant I either walked everywhere or I took a metro or a tramp. You learn a lot about a city if your walking everywhere. I can now proudly say that I know the streets of Dubai better than I know my own city.
The malls are exquisite, you can literally get lost inside and never know where to come out from. (I’ll admit that has at least happened to me twice)
I found the people quite nice and helpful. Coming from a city where everyone seems to be late and worried, it was a nice change. People are cordial and humble. It can be seen through their faces how content they are with their lives.

Well you must have all heard about the famous fire works Dubai has to offer on new years eve. But for one I decided to ditch that and go to a David Guetta concert. ( best decision ever)
New years proved to be a very adventurous night which I will never forget.


I have been to a lot of concerts but this one has been the best concert I have ever been to. I didn’t even have to be drunk to be high. The music and the ambience just made you achieve a different level of high I didn’t know even existed.
Now being a girl and going to a concert on new years eve is not the best idea ever since people will get drunk and molest you through their words. But I went anyways.

I got asked my a dozen guys if I was alone and they could join me. Finally after been walking and dancing for 12 hours I really wanted to sit down and get water. So I bought water and went outside the amphitheater and sat outside on a bus stand. The network came back on and my phone was flooded with messages from friends and family if I was okay. Confused, I asked the person near me as to what had happened and she told me that there was a fire at the address hotel which is opposite to the burj khalifa. 

I wanted to go home and sleep but the realization that I had forgotten to book a cab on new years eve had stricken me. I waited there for a hour but couldn’t manage to get a cab.

While I was sitting there, a guy comes and sits down beside me and asked whether I had credit so he could make a call. I said no I didn’t. Then he start going about how he was so drunk and how he didn’t want to be drunk and for the next one hour he talked on and on about his life.
Well I couldn’t just sit there forever, so I called up a friend who was in Dubai as to how should I get home. So he told me I need to start walking towards the metro station and figure something out on the way. Since signals where still an issue, I couldn’t really tell him about the drunk guy. 

So I got up and started walking and the drunk guy starts following and says “I’ll get you home”.  Being alone at 4 in the morning with a drunk guy who literally kept coming in front of cars would freak anyone out.
So finally I managed to get a cab and told the drunk guy to go home but instead of going home he gets into the cab with me. Telling me he can’t believe how beautiful I’m since I was from Pakistan. By this time I had messaged my friend that a drunk guy was following me around and he had gotten hesterical too.

Finally we reached the metro station and I started to walk fast so that I loose him but he kept calling me to stop for him and holding my hand so I walk slow. There was like no way out and by this time my parents had started calling me as to where I was and why hadn’t I gotten home and I couldn’t tell them that a drunk guy was following me otherwise they would have gotten really worried and they couldn’t really do anything about it so I let it be.
My friend calls me up and tells me he’s going to call the police as he’s still following me and I really don’t want him to know where I live exactly but I couldn’t call the police because it was very late and will cause a very long drama and I just didn’t had it in me to spend my first day of the year at a police station. So I took a risk and told him not to call the police. Now this guy was really drunk so he went to sleep in the train.

I left him there and ran home.

The other day when I was leaving my apartment, the same guy was standing outside waiting for me.
The guy from the other night was not drunk anymore and his voice wasn’t slurpy  and comes up and says ” I’m sorry for being so drunk that I scared you off but really I had no wrong intentions and you would find out that I’m not such a bad guy”
And he really was a nice guy. I found a friend in a person who I thought was a rapist.


I realized that this place made me feel like I belonged here which I had never even felt in my own home.
One should be able to pick up a bag and travel to any place they like. One should travel without borders, without the fear of being alone because you meet new people, you make new friends and that’s what makes the best memories.

Menstraution , something to be embarrassed about?

Sue me for picking up such a bold topic, especially because I come from a world where talking about this is still considered a taboo. I might get lashed for even bringing this up but this is something that bothers me greatly.
Yes, ladies I’m talking about menstraution, periods.
One day, I was teaching my students (6th graders) and this topic came up and I asked how many of them got their periods? No one raised their hands. Why? Because they were too shy and embarrassed to admit that their menstraution cycle has began. When I investigated about this, they started telling me how their mothers had told them:
A) it is disgusting
B) it is painful
C) its very embarrassing
D) some referred to it as ‘the problem’
When mothers use such words to describe a natural process, these girls are bound to feel embarrassed and oppressed as if God is taking out some sort of a personal grudge by making them like this.
Menstraution is an indication that you’re a healthy female capable of creating your very own miracle. Now is there anything to be embarrassed about?
Most of the girls in the 3rd world countries feel shy when it comes to embracing the true essence of their womanhood. Most of them wish they were boys, why? Because they feel oppressed by the responsibilities and code of conduct that is expected from a female from a very young age.

Girls don’t act like that…
Act like a lady…
Sit like a lady…
Don’t be such a tomboy…

Have you ever heard a boy being scolded for such things?
As a young girl when I first read ‘the princess’ I was shocked to read that the girls had to tell their fathers about their periods, which means they are to be treated like a woman now. It was kind of a festive event when the girl came of age. Her father would take her for shopping to buy her a nikaab. (Yes, its part of the celebration )

These standards and these differences have been set by our society which I feel are absolutely unnecessary.
Girls should be proud on being the way they are and feel no shame what so ever.

So ladies, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, flaunt your womanhood and embrace your miracle.

This is what makes you different from the men.


We either worry about the future or depress over our past. We always feel that our past was so much better than the present and our future can be better or rather disastrous. We being humans never stay satisfied with our present. We often don’t even pay attention as to what is going on in the present as much as we spent time on pondering over the past and day dreaming about the future.